there can be no love until you love yourself

I can't hide myself. Please don't ask me to. I want to be loved for who I am not some hollow version of myself.

Here's the truth I am feeling tonight: I think if I lose weight people - women - would like me more. As a friend, as whatever. (Men too, but I really only care about Jesse.) Tomorrow I am going hardcore on dieting. Maybe its for a terrible reason, but I am craving female friendship too much at this point to give a fuck. 

All you female identifying individuals: why do we judge each other based on superficial and ultimately meaningless criteria? For millennia we have been captive by men, suppressed by men, controlled by men, used by men. We pride ourselves on being free of all that, of having rights and owning our own bodies. But do we? If we do not love ourselves - our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our sexuality, our spirit, our energy - are we free of the patriarchy that has held us down? When we do not love ourselves, we cannot truly and selflessly and purely love our fellow women. And when that happens, we are defeated as much as we were when we were sold as slaves or used as sex objects or had no voice of our own. Do you look in the mirror and see flaws, mistakes, ugliness, ignorance, powerlessness? Then you are seeing that in every woman you look at. Because you are hearing the message that women are less, that women rely on men to hold to whatever impossible standard you were subliminally taught as a sweet young child. And you are applying that to yourself and every other woman you will ever meet. Why? Why do you do it? Why hurt each other like that? I have been the recipient of the lies that women tell each other, I have told the lies myself. Can't we stop? Can't we love each other and celebrate each other for everything that makes each woman herself? You are beautiful and amazing and talented and intelligent and fascinating. Those things might not be me at all but GOD I love that they are you. You are in to sports or death metal or baking or working out or painting or musicals or religion or shopping or hiking or beer or country music or cats or interpretative dancing or WHATEVER! And I seriously do not get it. But I fucking love you for it. I LOVE IT. It is so awesome that you feel that way about that thing. Every time you tell me about it I need to shut the fuck up and listen and champion how much you enjoy it! We think that we can stop pushing for women's rights and its not true; every moment they are in danger. But you don't have to know about how much women make compared to men or the latest attack on the rights of our bodies. All you have to know that women will stand together, we will share our pain and our hopes and our burdens and our dreams and our love with each other. But it is impossible unless we first LOVE OURSELVES. Love everything about yourself. Love yourself for recognizing your flaws (because every human has them) and love yourself for wanting to change them! Love the shit you are good at and have fun with and love the people that love you. And then when you see another woman... you will not be able to help but love her... 

One other thing: Can we please be honest with each other? I know it is fucking awkward as hell. But just be upfront, okay? You owe nothing to no one - but you owe honesty to yourself, and that means being honest with others. Including, especially, your fellow women. We all feel pain. We all hurt. Be honest with those around you so they can understand and not fall into a vague area where its all too easy to blame your sensitive self, to doubt what you see in the mirror. You owe women the truth. You owe them clarity. Because if nothing else, since the dawn of time women have been through hell and back, and we are the only ones who get that. Sexism isn't over. So we have to stick together, to not doubt each other, and to love ourselves and each other. Be honest. To yourself, to your lover, to your friends, to your family. 

I have a vagina. If you do too, then you know things about me that no man could ever understand.




love,
lisapink