RASPBERRY ON THE FERRY

God I fucking miss trees. It's getting better. I can actually see the sky some days. There were several weeks where my life was oppressive darkness caving around me. This is the worst winter in my memory. And I think also just factually in my lifetime in Logan. Is this karma for wanting to move?

The job search is going horribly slow.

I had a foursome. Sorta? I don't know what qualifiers there need to be but four naked people in a bed sounds good enough for me.

I had a first date tonight? I dunno. I'm so bad at this!! I haven't even really thought about it much but now I'm listening to music wishing I had a girlfriend to snuggle and kiss and laugh and play with her hair and watch dumb movies.

But also dating is hard!!! I like my cozy family and my cozy life and sitting on the couch in my comfy clothes drinking too much and watching Netflix.

Can my sexuality be cuddles?

love,
lisapink

one way mirror

I am still closed. I am still vulnerable. I am still afraid.

It's normal to have problems. I know that. I don't believe it. I don't know. Is it normal? Is it okay? Or is everything I believe a lie?

It's happened before.

How can I be sure of anything?

I'm not doing good. I'm not. Not tonight. I can't tonight.

love,
lisapink

good stuff about me

I'm beautiful. I'm brave and bold. I'm loving and caring. I am smart and curious and daring. I am a fighter. I am strong. I fight strong, beautifully, with love. I have a good heart. I have beautiful eyes, nice tits, great smile. I am funny as hell. I love laughing at my own jokes. I love laughing at my own expense. I love that I am totally open and totally sure no one can ever truly know all the amazingly quirky things about me. I'm fascinated by people. I think they are amazing and beautiful and I want to know their story and their pain and what makes them laugh. I love my dog and my husband and our Sunday morning cuddles which invariably end up with Lincoln smooshing my head and me getting irritated but I will never stop letting him smoosh my head on Sunday mornings. I'm so lucky to be free to laugh and love and be lazy and kiss and nap and eat pizza and all of the wonderful things. I am beautiful. I know I am. I know because when I look in the mirror I see myself. I see who I am. And I put my makeup and do my hair or maybe I don't because I ran out of time and I still smile and cry and keep going every day even when it seems hard as hell because I am a fighter and I can get through literally anything. Expect maybe the zombie apocalypse. Not sure about that one, but I'm halfway through the Walking Dead so I think maybe I got this.

love,
lisapink