Sunday, September 13, 2015

where I am now

  • Jesse and I have been together for six years; married for three.
  • We moved up to Logan so Jesse could finish his degree at USU. At first we lived in my parent's basement - that did not work out, so we now live in a cute little house near USU.
  • Jesse has just over a year left on schooling. He just barely got his first part-time student programming job!
  • I tried school but in the end decided to just focus on work instead.
  • Lincoln Thompson is our dog child. He is just over two years old. He's the best and worst thing in our life. We love him, and he worships us, but hates nearly every other person. He loves tug-of-war and fetch and belly rubs and Jesse and would prefer that we do not ever leave the house. He also loves stealing pizza.
  • I'm working at a local utility billing company as a team lead. Its a decent job: pays well and I really enjoy (most) my coworkers.
  • Jesse has been working out and getting healthier. I've been going the opposite way.
  • We've been hanging out with new friends and getting reacquainted with old friends. Friendship has never been easy for me (so much anxiety!), but I'm really putting myself out there this time. Our parties are starting to get a reputation. ;)
  • I'm on anti-anxiety meds, which I think are helping. I do need to start seeing a therapist, mostly for family related-issues, I think. I have an appointment in a few weeks. 
  • I came out as bisexual. It has been liberating and thrilling and terrifying. Its also made me oddly confident.
  • I have a tree tattoo that is suuuuuper me. As soon as I got it I wanted more. Tattoos I may want: a bisexual equality sign, a Hunger Games tattoo (IDGAF), some sort of sexy pinup or fairy girl, maybe an exmo tattoo of some sort - any or all of the above! Jesse may get a tattoo of some coolass fossilized wolf tracks. (Ooh! I could get a sexy Katniss tattoo! ha! I love the scene of her in the wedding dress than transforms to a Mockingjay. If we could make that into a tattoo it'd be fucking awesome.)
  • I got a sexy pixie cut I've been wanting for years.
  • My relationship with my parents has completely disintegrated. Also, they impulsively adopted a six-year-old girl last year. Next month they are impulsively moving 900 miles away to Washington.
  • I also have zero contact with Sarah and Brian, including their families. I miss Sophia and Paisley.
  • I'm no longer the only apostate in my family: Anna and Kevin's families have left the church. We've grown a lot closer, especially Anna and I. And Kevin and Michelle went to Vegas with us and we all got very drunk and had an amazing time. 


A lot of good, a lot of bad. In most ways, I'm much happier with my life now than a few years ago. Its not without its struggles, though.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

badass and beautiful: rant ideas

  • Woman in media: music/movies/books.
  • Hollywood age gap.
  • Women promoting sexism: "handle me at my worst" and btw - you're not a queen, you're a human.
  • Young Woman's manual (and how it might as well be porn, without the benefits)
  • Oh, so you've had a kid? Congrats! So have billions of other women!
  • Modesty
  • Spirituality - what is it and where to find it?
  • External self-worth (religion and other?)
  • Sexual identity and exploration
  • Drinking is fun
  • Tattoos
  • Self-esteem/acceptance - not perfect, still loved, fat shaming, slut shaming, etc
  • Friends and social anxiety and how to know if a relationship is healthy
  • Conditional love is not love 

love,
lisapink

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

back to the start

I'm tired. I read my post from a year and a half ago. So much has changed, and yet nothing has. I feel overwhelmed by emotions. Not surprising, since I never learned how to handle things like an adult. I only know how to handle things by crying or yelling or being depressed. And I don't want to do that any more. I want to grow up. I want to be in control of my emotions. And as nice as it is, I don't want to be babied anymore. I need to take pride in myself as a woman. Jesse says that I need to have more private time to focus on myself, and he's probably right. Putting my thoughts down will help, if I can ever find the time and motivation to do it. This is a start. I'll try again when I'm ready. I'll love myself for what I'm able to accomplish.

love,
lisapink